Wow, BIG day!

I gotta rain down on your parade once more, like I used to.

< INSERTING HERE A GOOD PAIR OF BOOTS AND AN UMBRELLA TO KEEP YOU DRY> 

I always had trouble making friends since I can remember. But I never took it against myself because (1) I was always sick anyway and I did not get to spend much time playing outside or at school and (2) my siblings, all 4 of them, were my bestfriends and constant playmates and I had all the advantage there is given that I was sickly. It was more than okay then. We did kikay things together, we learned the abc’s and nursery rhymes together and we did the house chores together. Everything was comfortably acceptable but then we grew up and we grew up some more and there my quandary began. Although my love for my siblings would never waver, that’s for certain. I did manage to have few companions during college. However, it gave me the impression of a compulsory companionship, in a good way. They were my seatmates in most of my subjects so, yes, enforced mingling. Hahaha. Sometimes, I wished there was a subject in the school curriculum about relationships, I would gladly enroll myself or maybe earn a masteral degree. :D

I was okay being alone. I did not know if it was something you get used to or something innate in my moral fiber. The crowd was simply too much for me to bear; I got dizzy dispersing them in my brain. That was when I turned to blogging. Yes, there was traffic, noise, and crowd but only virtual. Such a sweet delight. AND I WAS OKAY WITH THAT, so I thought.

Then one fateful day, God decided to knock me off. I fell in love. It was a really bad one- to say the least. It’s true when they say that you will gain something out of a spiteful situation. As for myself, it was not a lesson nor maturity or wisdom, it was friendship. Friendship that I chose. Friendship that was not enforced. Friendship that I will never outgrow.

    

 “When I was young I wanted to be anybody but myself. Dr. Bernard Hazelhof said if I was on a desert island, then I would have to get used to my own company, just me and the coconuts. He said I would have to accept myself, my warts and all, and that we don’t get to choose our warts. They are a part of us, and we have to live with them. We can, however, choose our friends, and I am glad I have chosen you. “ - Max Jerry Horowitz ( Mary and Max )

To MY person who is turning a year older today,  thank you for accepting me, warts and all. You are my Mary Daisy Dinkle for all time! And I, your Max Jerry Horowitz, the girl version. Hahaha! (You have to watch it, btw.)

Happy happy birthday bebegerl! 

I hope cloning will be rampant in the years to come so that I could start my cloning business and I'll scatter your clones in 7 continents and the entire world will be happier. Achievable naman ang wish ko noh? 

Love you!

QaiQai 

Laslas 101

( Brilliant words from Ms. N, mowdel; Wi )

Abandoned kittens, a dead puppy and Falling in Love. Period

If missing is an apt equivalent upshot of becoming extinct for a couple of months, then i am culpable of such. I missed blogging. There was nought quantity of thrill in inscribing words in the pad. The thoughts just came, shook my peripheral for seconds, and off they went to the sewer and be totally forgotten in wasteland that is my brain. The pains of writing, haha! Tell me more about it. So just please allow my poor brain to simply throw you a throwback.  :D ( I’m not making any sense right here, right? )

Had 5 lovely kittens before. I nursed  them under my bed so that father won’t notice them. And did I mention i had an atrocious allergy on fur, dust, pollen, and almost all minute organisms that are capable of infiltrating into my respiratory track? Well, you guess that right. I Had asthma, the worst case of it actually. Upon discovering those lovely, adorable, little darlings underneath my bed, Tatay instantly grabbed the box containing them and discard it amidst the ricefield which was then chest high (dwarf me) almost submerging the whole of me. Never did find them. Just a futile attempt in deem that no one will look after them. I cared for them but not as much as Tatay cared for me.

I, too, had puppies. King and Jack. I loved King the most, probably because he was so makulit always nibbling my toes and gnawing my sock after school. I was chastised from feeding, bathing even touching the puppies, but as persistent as I was ( I must have had ADHD, Tehee!), I even hushed them to sleep at night.. in my bed! Father did find out and poor King was filched on two legs, threw in an enormous strength and smashed on the wall just near me. ;( I saw him squirmed  before he grasped his last breath. (Rated SPG here) I knew then it was my fault. I cared for that puppy but not as much as Tatay cared for me. He cared for those puppies too. He played with them all the time. But he chose to lose them rather than losing me. The pains of loving.

I came to know of loving as a one way street. Just loving and giving and expecting nothing in return. To the extent of self obliteration. Imagine how those pets almost snatch this very life in me, i mean those fur. Haha! Or was I just suicidal? =))

The 5 kittens were constant reminder of loving, losing and letting go.

And a dead puppy?  Well, isn’t a romance ended tragically, catchy? Shakespeare mode on! Haha! No, seriously. We have a propensity to be cosset on so much with make believe fairy tale endings, happily ever after sort of things. The truth is, they don’t exist. The easiest, most convenient getaway from the world is the castle in Spain we build inside our cranium. The hardest is to snap out of it.

But even so, the chaos in the absence of love is tantamount to the shambles of its presence. In the end, we all choose to be brave and bold...make a fool of ourselves and just FALL IN LOVE. And that’s just about it. Period. 

Nyctophilia

(Thank you God for Mr. Google, he has everything!)

I love the light just as much as I love darkness. It gives me the feeling of relief. That another day has been ripped off completely from my life, leaving it somewhere in the past where I can no longer feel its presence.

Good night dear world.

" What if we get to become stars? "

What if once upon a time there were no stars in the sky at all? What if the stars arent what we think? What if the light from afar doesnt come from the rays of distant sun but from our wings as we turn into angels?

Why would so many things conspire to save one little girls life? What if we are all unique and what if the universe loves us all equally and it bends over backwards to help us all and we are just lucky enough once in awhile to see it?

What if we are part of a greater pattern that we are incapable of knowing? What if when we are done with our purpose we get to rise up and be with those we love? What if we get to become stars?

-Beverly Penn ( WINTER'S TALE )

And in that case, I would like a pair of shiny purple wings and a very slight talent in doodling, pretty please?! 

Comfortably Numb

When the pain is too strong you go psychedelic.

Something about 5

For 5 nights now..

...I still wake up at 5am

...glance at my phone for 5 seconds until the backlight shuts off

...count back the hours by 5

...and think of you.

Perhaps this will go on for quite a while. Made me even hate the numbers more. 

Dear Heart

Dear Heart,

I think I better teach you some traffic rules. Best to start with identifying the traffic lights' functions. I say, we are on a RED. So stop for Pete's sake.

:(

Night and Day are We

Day is forever dark and dreary

Night is ever warm and bright

As I bid you good morning

The moon winks good night.

Today marks something about number 3