UNHAPPY

I awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to feel right, to be a good person, to be (as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was)  HAPPY. But during the course of each day my heart would descend from my chest into my foot.  Sometimes I was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for me, or nothing was ever right in the first place. I was fulfilled -  alone in the magnitude of my grief, alone in my aimless guilt, alone even in my loneliness. I am not sad. I can repeat that to myself over and over. As if one day I might convince myself . Or fool myself. Or convince others. ( the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad ). I would fall asleep with my heart at the foot of my bed, and each morning would wake with it again in the cupboard of my rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping.

I wonder why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?-

Or my life just had unlimited potential for happiness? 

Hey, I just want to clear my head. 

wink!