Laslas 101

( Brilliant words from Ms. N, mowdel; Wi )

Nyctophilia

(Thank you God for Mr. Google, he has everything!)

I love the light just as much as I love darkness. It gives me the feeling of relief. That another day has been ripped off completely from my life, leaving it somewhere in the past where I can no longer feel its presence.

Good night dear world.

" What if we get to become stars? "

What if once upon a time there were no stars in the sky at all? What if the stars arent what we think? What if the light from afar doesnt come from the rays of distant sun but from our wings as we turn into angels?

Why would so many things conspire to save one little girls life? What if we are all unique and what if the universe loves us all equally and it bends over backwards to help us all and we are just lucky enough once in awhile to see it?

What if we are part of a greater pattern that we are incapable of knowing? What if when we are done with our purpose we get to rise up and be with those we love? What if we get to become stars?

-Beverly Penn ( WINTER'S TALE )

And in that case, I would like a pair of shiny purple wings and a very slight talent in doodling, pretty please?! 

How would you like being pricked?

Imagine a zit.

This little infection sits in your face one morning and your whole day is messed up before it actually begins. 

But what does a zit do? Nothing.  It comes and goes but definitely won't be a permanent resident on your face. You despise its existence and even curse as it progress into a full blown zit. But the thing is, you invite it in. Your lifestyle. Your mood. Your diet. They contribute to its production. For all you know, the zit doesn't like you back too. But what can it do? Your invitation is tempting and the poor guy's only wish is to have a vast space of its own to grow and populate. The guy doesn't like the nagging very much but you yell at it all the time. If only it can yell back. So the love-hate relationship between you and Mr. Zit survived for quite sometime.  

Then one fateful day, you summoned all your courage and pricked the little guy.

So Imagine a zit.

Imagine being pinned down in one corner. 

Imagine being yelled/cursed at for pathetic reasons. ( like for pogi points' sake )

Imagine the feeling of being unwanted and unwelcome in somebody else's world.

Imagine yourself being pricked. 

Desperate

This is a desperate call. 

If you ain't giving me one, I'll be force to get one myself.   

Don't say I didn't warn you people. 

emotera

After a while, though, even the deepest sorrow faltered, even the most penetrating despair lost its scalpel edge.

Time Out

Dear Fate,

You know when the captain of the team says time out? he is in dire need of time to prepare a game plan for the next round. 

And you wonder why you always win? 

Cheater!     

UNHAPPY

I awoke each morning with the desire to do right, to feel right, to be a good person, to be (as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was)  HAPPY. But during the course of each day my heart would descend from my chest into my foot.  Sometimes I was overcome by the feeling that nothing was right, or nothing was right for me, or nothing was ever right in the first place. I was fulfilled -  alone in the magnitude of my grief, alone in my aimless guilt, alone even in my loneliness. I am not sad. I can repeat that to myself over and over. As if one day I might convince myself . Or fool myself. Or convince others. ( the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad ). I would fall asleep with my heart at the foot of my bed, and each morning would wake with it again in the cupboard of my rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping.

I wonder why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?-

Or my life just had unlimited potential for happiness? 

Hey, I just want to clear my head. 

wink!

space invasion launch

Steamy weather?

Drained pockets?

Disrupted connection?

Boggled mind?

or just plain Bored?

Whatever it is, please stop invading my own personal space.

:(

Hybernation period is over.

The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain, but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire. You might find it difficult to see anything but your own sadness, the way smoke can cover a landscape so that all anyone can see is black. You may find that if someone pours water all over you, you are damp and distracted, but not cured of your sadness, the way a fire department can douse a fire but never recover what has been burnt down. But a morning kicked in with great surprise and the pain that was long been there vanished in an instant.

Dahil kahit may 4 na, ikaw pa rin ang da best. At kahit 3 ka, ikaw pa rin ang number 1.

I woke up into a nightmare

I didn't want to wake up.

I was having a much better time asleep.

And that's really sad.

It was almost like a reverse nightmare,

like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved.

I woke up into a nightmare.

Summer, Cebu and Me.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you.

Oh how summertime reminded me so much of Cebu. It only took a month long beach hop-till-we-drop, endless roadtrips, luscious foods, unlimited redhorse, funfilled days and boozeblast nights, and the beyond compare "LOL" moments in between. Those and all gradually changed my life. I was never the same. Summer have never been and will never be the same.

Essay and How I passed grade school.

" What I want to be when I grow up? "- There at one corner of that four walled, well ventilated classroom, was this kid stuck in that question.

I was not a witty kid. I never excel in anything aside from " most sickly" neither received awards except " steroids sucker " (as what my doctor called me) for taking in 12 tablets of steroids a day, a maximum intake for a then 10 yr old me.

You can now visualize from that point how "school" treated me and vise versa.

Probably the most brutal part of it was taking the exams I literally didn't have the foggiest idea. Next best thing was failing. Ah. However, there was one subject I consistently and inexplicably passed with flying colors.

ENGLISH. naks!

You might get the wrong idea, I was not good in grammar or literature for that matter. I understood a few and the rest were pain in the head. You know the bonus part? Essay. Teehee. Thank God I mastered the art of blabbing in a ranting sort of way. :) And to whoever invented it, i can kiss your ass now fella. :))

After getting all soaked up with my own sweat, I started to write a sentence.

" When I grow up I want to be Happy. " All it took was a sentence and I was on my way to 10 points score for an excellent essay.

Well, that was history. =)) :))

Loveletter :) because it's a letter full of love. :)

Dear Tatay at Nanay,

Parang kailan lang kami ay mga uhugin pa. Mga musmos na ang tanging langit ay ang maglaro ng tumbang preso sa gabi, gumawa ng papel na manika, maghalu-haluan na ang yelo ay dinurog na piraso ng semento, gumawa ng langis sa mga pinigang dahon ng gumamela, magpalipad ng saranggola sa likod ng bahay, tumambling sa uhutan, mag-dive sa irrigation pagkatapos ng eskwela, umakyat sa puno ng may puno.. at marami pang iba. Mga bagay na inuulit ulit kong alalahanin habang ako’y malayo sa inyo. Mga bagay na nananatiling langit sa nahihinog ko nang utak.

Sinong makakapagsabi na noon kami ay gulping hahamit sa laugan? Na hindi mapatali ang mga paa namin pag nasa labas na lahat ang aming mga kalaro at kami na lang ang kulang para sa dampa-dampaan. “Maglinis ng bahay. Maghugas ng pinggan. Magwalis ng bunsuran.Punuin ng tubig ang banga. Pag natapos saka lamang maglalaro “ Duet pa mandin kayong dalawa sa litanyang yan araw araw. Swerte na pag natapos ng alas dyes. Pag inabot ng siesta, paktay na, isang pilit na tulugan naman. Sige ka, pag hindi natulog magiging utdo daw at hindi na malaki. Ay hanep! Sana ay uso na ang cherifer nun para hindi na kailangan matulog sa tanghali. Anung hapdi ng mga mata namin sa pagpikit na kunwari ay tulog para payagan na magtumbang preso pag papalubog na ang araw. Pag nakalusot naman at nadala sa pakiusap na maglaro kahit walang siesta, mamaya ay siguradong abot abot na ang sipol ni Tatay kasabay din nun ang naghahabulan naming mga paa pauwi sa bahay.

Lumaki kaming hubad ang pagkatao sa mga kritikong marahil ay naghihintay na kami ay magkamali o maligaw ng landas. Mga tao na handa kaming pukulin ng bato sa isang baluktot na gawi.Same people, same crowd, same critics.. mula noon hanggang ngayon.

The hardest, being your children, is to maintain the standards the society had set with us being the example. Sabi nga, one wrong move and you’re dead. Mahirap, in the sense na , kahit na pagkakamali na namin, these critics has a way to bounce back the negative comments sa inyo. That part was unbearably painful sa akin.. sa amin.. kasi alam namin na nasasaktan kayo. Our shortcomings are not yours. When we sin, that doesn’t make you a sinner. We’re no angels. We make mistakes once in while pero hindi po big sabihin nun ay hindi kayo naging mabuting magulang.

May nasulat akong essay nung 2nd year highschool ako.Ang pamagat ay “ What I Will Be 10 Years From Now”. Hirap na hirap ako maglatag ng mga ideya kong karera nuon.Una, malay ko bang mahirap pala kitain ang pera? Hinihingin ko lang nmn iyon sa inyo. Ikalawa, matagal pa yung 10 years, bakit po-problemahin ko agad yun? I’ll cross the bridge when I get there, sabi ng utak ko. I came up with a crappy essay with a sensible ending. Haha! Here to show off the last part :D

“ What I Will be 10 Years From Now”

I’m not really sure.Teacher. Nurse. Doctor. Writer. Musician. I can’t be just a bit of everything I want.I might change my mind every now and then and just be a simple house wife?But whatever and wherever life takes me 10 years from now, successful in my own field or not, I’m certain I’ll remain to be the loving daughter to my parents and loving sister to my siblings. Years won’t change a thing."

Mahirap i-criteria ang pagiging mabuting magulang dahil sabi nga nila, lahat ng magulang hangad ay mabuti lamang para sa kanilang anak. Things kinda get messy on this process, some kids aren’t that “accepting” while some parents keep on “insisting”. You know how it went after.

Isang bagay lang siguro. Pag malalaki na ang mga anak at nagkaron na ng sari-sariling buhay yet still at the end of the day, in the depths of their hearts, they wanna go home.

I do... with much anticipation.

With much longing,

Ur-super-daughter-wannabe ♥

"I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies."

"An Angel in the book of life wrote down your baby's birth. And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."

To G'lhie: I may never really decipher the depths of the grief being on your shoes, ( anything close to grief is an understatement now ) but know that nothing will change between members of the family. Remember those dress up and paper dolls days? If someone got beat up, WE GOT YOUR BACK.

"Daddy please don't look so sad,momma please don't cry.

Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.

please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.

Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.

You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.

I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.

I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.

Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.

That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.

Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,

Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.

So daddy don't look so sad and mommy please don't cry.

I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!"

♥♥♥

Mark 10:14~ "And Jesus said, Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these"

Someone is fighting a hard battle. Be kind :)

“Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love."

♥♥♥

Realidad

Goodbye dear heartache

I used to bump into the same walls, constantly bruising my ego while the door stand cold in one corner, halfway opened.

Goodbye dear heartache.

You served me well. :)

♥♥♥

I only have two words for you, IM DONE.

Yeah, I still love you and probably will for a long time.. but I can’t stay here anymore.
It hurts too much.. I guess this is moving on

I guess I’m tired of being the last thing on ur mind.

You took my love and threw it away as if it were nothing
To me ur everything but to you I’m just another meantime girl..
You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel?
I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?

Little did I know that you were just another dead end road made with pretty lies and broken dreams..

Suddenly I’m hating myself for everything I’ve ever felt for you..
Sometimes I wish I could go back and erase the day I met you.. but then, I will never regret loving you only believing you love me too…

Watching you walk out of my life doesn’t make me bitter about love but rather makes me realize that..
if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how great it will be when the right one comes along..
There is no medication for this illness. No known cure other than
TIME

Maybe someday I’ll get back my heart, maybe someday I’ll get back my pride..
Maybe somewhere down the road I’ll forget to remember you..
One day you will seek love and be sorry that you threw mine away…
And one day you’ll realize you could have been with me..

One day I will be able to look u in the eyes without feeling the pain you’ve caused..
One day I will be able to stand next to you without wanting to hold ur hand..

ONE DAY I’LL GET OVER YOU..

a quick note for my friend

Hey blogger, it's been a long time.

I'm sorry i crafted a gloom out of you.

For the countless times i whined, cried and cursed over the things that hurt me then, forgive me.

I promise i'll make it up to you and shower you with vibrant colors this time.

Still your friend,

qaiqai

Home sick

This was the text message Tatay sent me before his birthday. A text like this coming from either Tatay or Nanay never failed to make my spirit soar, bringing out the super-daughter in me.

The first time I took the initiative to flap my own wings I knew its gonna be a whole lot different from that point onwards. I knew the struggle will be tougher ... and Tatay and Nanay won't always be around to patch my bruises. I have to heal on my own, detonate my own bomb, tame my own fears, police my own rank. Yet still, when the world is too much a burden to bear, I flap back.

Some things never change.


" Para sa mga magulang hindi naman lumalaki ang mga anak. Maaaring nag iiba ng taas, ng timbang, ng pangangatawan pero hindi lumalaki sa puso ng magulang. "

Kaya hindi ako nagtataka na tuwing umuuwi kami, seemed like we go back to our magical childhood days.

I miss you so much Tay, Nay.