SuperMOM activate!

If I will be like my mother.. the complete package I mean..
I'll be a Super-MOM! :)

Tea is good for you.

( )ea is good for you.

Alam ko yun. Dati kasi akala ko everything is about WATER. Hindi ako aware na nag eexist pala ang ( )EA.

( )ea is good for you.

Alam ko yun. Hindi lahat ng uhaw ay kayang pawiin ng WATER. Alam ko gusto mo rin ng softdrinks pero nakasama sayo kaya itinigil mo na. Ayaw mo na rin ng kape, nagpa-palpitate ka kasi nung nasobrahan ka nun kaya unti unti mo na rin inalis sa pang araw araw mong buhay. Tanong ko sayo, may iba pa ba? sabi mo wala na, WATER lang kelangan mo.. kaya araw araw WATER ang sini-serve ko sayo.

( )ea is good for you.

Alam ko yun. Pare- pareho kasi ang lasa ng WATER. Kahit pa sabihin na distilled, mineral o purified pa.. pareho din yun. Nagsawa ka na.

( )ea is good for you.

Alam ko yun. Kaya nga i gave up the idea na magugustuhan mo pa ang WATER. Pwede ka kasi mag switch sa iba ibang flavor. Strawberry. Taco. Royal Milk. etc.

( )ea is good for you.

Alam ko yun. Pero bakit ka naghahanap ng WATER ngaun? Wala na, natuyo na ang reservoir.

Home sick

This was the text message Tatay sent me before his birthday. A text like this coming from either Tatay or Nanay never failed to make my spirit soar, bringing out the super-daughter in me.

The first time I took the initiative to flap my own wings I knew its gonna be a whole lot different from that point onwards. I knew the struggle will be tougher ... and Tatay and Nanay won't always be around to patch my bruises. I have to heal on my own, detonate my own bomb, tame my own fears, police my own rank. Yet still, when the world is too much a burden to bear, I flap back.

Some things never change.


" Para sa mga magulang hindi naman lumalaki ang mga anak. Maaaring nag iiba ng taas, ng timbang, ng pangangatawan pero hindi lumalaki sa puso ng magulang. "

Kaya hindi ako nagtataka na tuwing umuuwi kami, seemed like we go back to our magical childhood days.

I miss you so much Tay, Nay.

I pinned a sunshine to your winter. :)

So now, all alone or not, you gotta walk ahead.

Thing to remember is if we're all alone,

then we're all together in that too.

My Favorite Teacher

THEM : "Why did you take up Education when you don't even wanna teach?" 

ME : "Well, that was about the only decent thing when I was growing up for a girl to be.. and boy! who could resist the charm of their uniforms? . :D

Mine was not a call, just an obscure hunger that was waned and eventually evanesced by a clerical job my bored nerves clinched tight without animosity. The boredom can lead to constant flaring, btw. :))  yet still, teaching was not included in my job hunting list. :P

Looking back then, at 2 or 3pm during weekends, there at the mid part of the room in her upright most witty facade - my ate, a teacher wannabe - teaching us to read some English words. It was really her who greatly influenced me to take up the course. It was her dream, her call..  thats why after a couple of career switchings here and abroad, she finally stressed out the word " professional" in the card issued to her by the PRC.

I'm done and over with school days. Gone are the days when i skillfully write essays about How I Spent My Summer Vacation, My Pet Dog and the most paid of scrutiny and sarcasm,  My Favorite Teacher. I lied! Hahaha!

Last night.

ME : " Ate, you know who my favorite teacher is? "

ATE : ( with least attention on me ) " who? "

ME : " Ikaw. " ( sabay tawa ng napakalas )

ATE : "wee?!" ( major major tawa din )

Hindi lahat ng bagay natututunan sa school at hindi lahat ng teacher nasa school. Minsan kasama lang natin sila sa bahay. 

Glad I have one real teacher at home.  

Happy Teacher's Day ate! 

Little Mr. Sunshine

Little Mr. Sunshine!

Perhaps I will never understand how such a small thing wrapped in the most atrocious wrapper (ever) brings HUGE almost overwhelming happiness to us... such colossal joy incomparable to owning complete BRATZ collections.

Perhaps, I will be forever envious (Nanay: " sorry anak, nakalimutan ko na kayo ni ate mo jan dahil kay dasdain. Nyahah! ) but more so, thankful that you are the source of our happiness now, not a smelly dog this time.

Perhaps your tatay will stop his grown up x-mas routine like hanging some grossly socks in the xmas tree, speaking aloud that "santa" would hear him " ano kaya ang ilalagay ni santa dito mamaya?" with that silly grin all over his face. If we find one this xmas, we'll have tita Arian blame for that.

Tita Karen can't wait to go home soon baby!

Buti na lang hindi ako diabetic.

Last year, madalas akong manilip... manilip ng ibang pahina. Nakakatawa lang kasi sa tuwing ginagawa ko yun, huhugot muna ako ng isang malalim na hinga with matching kabog ng dibdib pa yun bago ko tuluyang i-click yung link ng pahina na yun. Kulay brown na may touch ng darker brown papuntang yellowish tapos parang scrapbook yung pagkaka design. Pero hindi yung design ang tinitingnan ko dun, yung mga piktyurs saka mga sulat. Hmmm. Madami na ako nadiskubre kahit nuon pa. Nag asawa na pala sya at may anak na tapos ngaun bibinyagan na yung anak. Ewan lang kung yun yung unang anak na nakita ko o may bago nang baby. Minsan may comment pa akong nakita, " mahal, miss ka na nmin ni baby". Orange mother! Ouch pa sya dati ( hihihihi) pero ewan ba kahit na para akong sinasakal pag bumibisita ako sa pahina na yun, araw araw ko pa rin yung binubuksan. Halos isang taon na rin na hindi ako nagawi dun, ngaun lang ulet. Ang feeling? Parang nasayang oras ko. Hahahahaha!

Akalain ko ba nuon na dadating ako sa ganuong pagkalimot. Pagkalimot ng mga sakit, hinanakit, mga planong nasira, mga pangakong hindi natupad. Bitterness ika nga. Nawala lahat ng hindi ko man lang namalayan. Mga sugat na gumaling kahit hindi ko nilanggasan. Buti na lang hindi ako diabetic.   

YESYESYESYESYESYES

I dunno what's stopping me..but each time i try to blurt it out, the word sink back to the pits of my voice box.

What's wrong with the word YES?!? Bakit ang hirap sabihin??? 

Syet. 

How about a second try?

 I have come to realize that liquors, no matter how awful the taste is and how terrible the hang-over maybe, they deserve the second try.  

How awful can it get when it comes to loving? Dunno. But imma give it a try.. if I can.. when I can. 

Let's kampay to that! 

Extra lang po. :D

Ayaw ko maging bida sa sarili kong pelikula. Gusto ko maging EXTRA lang.

Bakit kanyo?

~ HERE COMES THE KONTRABIDAS IN RED STILETTOS- Pag bida, ang tema ay palaging " you and me against the world". Kalaban mo ang buong mundo.. ang mga magulang mo na napulot ka lang pala sa tae ng kalabaw.. boss mo sa trabaho na galit sayo sa napakababaw na mga dahilan, for example, dahil mas straight o mas kulot ang buhok mo sa kanya..mga kamag anak mo na gusto ka ipa-snipe dahil heiress ka pala hindi mo lang alam pero alam na ng buong mundo. Hindi ko tuloy maintindihan kung sinasadya ba na utak biya ang mga bida??

~ IPINANGANAK KANG MALAS LANG TALAGA? - Nung nalaman mo na ampon ka ( at long last after 50 years ) heto na ang soon to be reunion mo with your mayaman parents talaga, bigla nmn namatay sila sa isang aksidente na pakana nmn ng tita at tito mo na gustong makuha ang kayaman ng parents mo. Tsk tsk. Okay lang yan, may last will nmn ang matatalino mong magulang na nakatago sa isang vault. Syempre ang susi ay nasa pendant mo na suot suot mo simula nung bata ka pa. Pero dahil malas ka nga, naiwala mo din ito at napasakamay ng tita mo. Nakita nya yun sa ilalim ng punong mangga, sa may bandang kanan ng pinakamalaking sanga na nakaharap ng down south, perpendicular sa kalye malapit sa bahay nyo. Akalain mo yun, swerte tita mo. Samalantalang nasa harap mo na iyon nang buong tapang mong pasukin ang bahay nya isang gabi, pero hindi mo pa nakita.. kung ahas yun, natuklaw ka na nga. :))

~ IYAK LEFT, RIGHT, UP, DOWN, HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE, ROLL IT!! - Tanong lang ah, kelangan talaga pag iiyak palagi upclose? with matching pang sawi na song? Wala bang private moment? Yung tipong sarili mo lang, ikaw lang sa mundo mo, ikaw lang nakakarinig ng iyak mo? Pero BIDA nga eh, dapat lahat ng moments captured! So goodluck sa nosepicking trip. =))

~ PERFECTION IS A MUST! - Kelangan maputi lahat.. singit, kilikili,legs, tuhod, siko, panga, ngipin, kuko, talampakan, pati gilagid! Mahirap abutin ang level na yan dahil mas gusto ko mag pluck kesa mag shave. Nyahahahaha!! At yung gilagid ko ay kulay pula. Nyahahaha!Yung tuhod at siko ko'y maitim dahil madalas akong madapaKasalanan bang maging kakulay ang lupa? >:)



EXTRA -pasulpot sulpot, minsan mahaba ang linya, minsan konti, minsan may iyakan na eksena, minsan galit, minsan pagod, minsan nagdududa, minsan pinagdududahan, minsan sakim, minsan mapagbigay, minsan nasasaktan, may glitches sa skin, frizzy ang buhok one day..the next day shines, nangangarap, nagmamahal, minsan nawawala sa spotlight, minsan bumibida.

Ordinaryong extra lang po AKO. Sa ingles: EXTRAORDINARY ME. :d

It's purely H2O, what do you expect?

Karen's brain is pretty much occupied with:

      8% - Family (kasama na ang mga plus sa buhay ko )
      7% - God ( sorry Lord :((
      4% - Work
      1% - ka ek-ekan ng organ between the lungs. :))


80% of it is water. :)) Now you know. :))

Life itself is my waterloo.

Karen's heart is pretty much occupied with:

       72 heart beats per minute. What else is there to be busy about?


Well at least my brain is busier than my heart.

I will definitely marry this kid! =))

I despise the idea of me teaching predominantly for one ground; i hate the massive stack of papers that will fill up my room halfway the end of every school year. Of course they are your students craft but after you record the corresponding grade, they become the mere pile of junks ready to be discarded should there be idle time other than sleeping.

But this one is a real treasure, having it framed even cross my mind. :))

a craft of a 10yr old boy ( if I'm not mistaken), one of my ate's kids.. and by kids I mean students. :))




Very realistic view of marriage for a must-be-idealistic-kiddo!

Sweet.

I dunno if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.

I'm sorry Lord, I thought of death the whole time. :(

Involuntarily, they shut right off the moment I opened them. My eyes.

Eventually, I sulked myself in.. feeling indifferent inside this pack of flesh I was in.

I went through each joints, each scrap and segment of this subtle breathing cadaver and shuddered at the thought of itself being dissected. From its pinnacle down low, nothing was vague but the freshness of the youth covering its layers. Ever brunette, the salty tropic mist enveloping most of her stratum.. nothing could ever go wrong. Yet my sight sense the guilt from the waist down. The numbness was way too aggressive to deny now yet i have it all covered up for how long? i dunno.

I wrote because I think about it way much than I think about living life well. Imma strike a canon ball right through it. booooggggggsshhhhhh!!!

I'm sorry Lord.

:(

Kung ang ulan ay malapot na sorbetes, O kay sarap ng ulan.

It has been like this since the week started.. never ending.. constantly pouring. Like the sky have had his first heartbreak??!! Seriously?!

Perfect time to crave for ice cream. Seriously?!

(humming an old nursery rhyme now. Haha )

Fire out. :D

I was at snail's pace browsing through piles of mp3's and some old playlist stored in my handy dandy flasher trying to unearth the 16 tracks from noel cabangon's self titled album. It wasn't the easy search-tab-it-silly thingy for stumbling upon each folders felt more like a dejavu painfully hitting that mending part of my heart. However, i pushed through finding them.. I did and wander off aimlessly. 

Yet, no more questions this time.

Just some silly stoking. 

I shouted, " fire out!" at last.

S(h)appy Monday?!

The weather may have caused it.. or was it just me?

sappy monday really.



near to you i am healing but its taking so long..

lazy.tuesday.madness.

lazy.tuesday.madness.

Note to self:  At least allow your cells to regenerate even at daytime. harhar.

The Moon at its full /06-27-10

the moon at its full after yesterday's downpour.

Something to look forward to each night outside my window. Something to remind me that, being the earth's only satellite, it is way sadder to be pinched forever in the sky, be adored from the distance, and be dependent on someone else's warmth.

at dusk

The silence that guards the tomb does not reveal God's
secret in the obscurity of the coffin, and the rustling of the branches whose
roots suck the body's elements do not tell the mysteries of the grave, by the
agonized sighs of my heart announce to the living the drama which love, beauty,
and death have performed.

Minsan ay tumapak ako sa Cebu, hindi ko na maalis ang paa ko.

I can feel them staring awkwardly bedazzled behind our backs as the 3 of us head straight to the main entrance of the departure area at Mactan airport, Cebu. More so, I know they are looking through to me as I have not bid farewell nor turn my back as i pushed open the glass door revealing the vast space of the airport's lobby occupied with people running their own errands. Funny how a space as big as this lobby get horrendously crowded when my fist-big heart is dreadfully empty this very minute. In my mind I know it will take years before i ever get to step my feet again in this place... this same place where any moment now will dust off the last footsteps I marked on its ground... this same place where less than a minute now will just be like my own home, always will I seek the joy and comfort of.

"May chicken bone sa throat ko" , this was my alibi at the end part of a retreat I attended with my classmates wayback 6th grade. Exactly how i feel today. May chicken bone sa throat ko and I'm certain it'll burst in my tear gland before we even reach Manila. So there, what happened next is just between me, ate Katz, kuya Patrick and the free coffee being served at PAL. Well, there are onlookers, god bless their souls. Hahahaha!

We cry for 2 reasons: either we are terribly sad or extremely happy. Mine's bothways. Extremely happy, kasi i know i have a family there when i return (hopefully next year? ). Terribly sad, kasi I will miss the homy ambiance of everyone's presence... like I've been with them all my life and to be departed is such a torture.

Guess what, the torture's still on.
Ibalik nyo ako sa Cebu!!!






Cebu, May 17-23, 2010

I remember you as you were in the last autumn.

Lapu-lapu Shrine, May 2010

involuntary servitude

Let me not speak for my heart, for I will only speak the words that might lead me to my death bed.


Let me not write my thoughts, for my hand solely scribble the struggle of the lost kid in me.. thus revealing the battered side this soul with great effort had tried to omit in the naked eyes.


Let me not move, for every motion this tender body make relives the long time dead passion of the used to be "other piece".


Shut my mouth, It can only speak of him.

Cloud my mind, It can only think of him.

Freeze my body, It lives for him.



been a prisoner for a long time already, badly needed a parole.

Keep Moving Forward

Despite my anticipation of what lies ahead, the first steps always scare the hell out of me.

Where to now? Where to this time around? I don't know. Just, the need to quit flooded in and drowned me. Just, I simply crave my own space to breathe. Just, I found it utterly absurd to deny the pain of a protruding wisdom tooth. Ang sakit kaya!


Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long.

We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious.....And curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

-Walt Disney, Meet the Robinsons


Scares me more thinking, CURIOSITY KILLS THE CAT. waaa!

I won't say goodbye. Family simply won't.

This isn't a search for a greener path, that I'm certain of.

Looking back, this wasn't the easy ride I imagined it to be rather a bumpy one with always a surprise turns and detours. I found myself all bruised up from the slaps and smacks my impulsive nature got me in. It can always get crazier but then, that was one hella ride.

I don't know how to bid farewell to these persons I share a laugh with everyday when just the thought of spitting the word out breaks my heart. Just the thought of seeing the gloom on their faces makes it harder to start packing up my things. I will surely miss them. They were, they are.. and probably will always be a FAMILY to me.

To ate Weng : Mamimiss ko ang ingay mo. Hahaha! You are truly blessed with powerful larynx that can command a battalion. Hahaha! I dunno if I mentioned it yet, but you are an ideal ate. Very protective and caring. Thank you for being such a tough companion, i felt secured and very well guarded with your presence. Most of all, thank you for the friendship. I will never survive my first 2 weeks here without your company.

To Mary-ness : Mamimiss ko kadaldalan mo neng. Hahaha! You oriented me well into gossiping and I enjoyed every minute of it. No, seriously. Perhaps I envied your being carefree and lighthearted-ness. I always wanted to be like one but then I matured too early. Hahahaha! Enjoy the peak of your youth and sing out your life to the fullest. I will miss you certainly. I hope to keep the friendship.

To ate Winnie : May inaanak ako sayo, tandaan mo yan at sigurado dadami utang ko jan. Hahahaha! Thank you for sharing your home with us. Mamimiss ko ang dalawang anakins mo at syempre ikaw din. I'll try to visit sometimes.

To ste Loida : ang stepmom ng lahat. Hahahaha! Huwag mo naman payamanin ang iba, i-share mo na lang sa amin pera ha? :)) I will miss you and your kalimot modes. Sana malasing mo ako next time. Hahahah!

To Madam : the iyakin. You are simply amazing. Parang smart lang, simpy amazing. Hahaha! I have a lot to thank you for. First and foremost, for making me feel that I am family. I have not missed home very much dahil sa inyo. For giving off a part of yourself, for sharing your home.. your life to me. It was indeed the most thrilling adventure I had. You were truly a blessing the times that I faced some difficulties in life, be it financially or emotionally. I don't know how to thank you and your better half. I will forever consider you both as family because you truly are.. by heart.

I won't say goodbye. Family simply won't.

I will see you all again.

You will be missed.

with all my love,
qaiqai

We were no angels.

We were right there chasing sunsets, pulling sunrise.

We flew recklessly beyond the open spaces of our imaginations.. danced our way through the cobwebs.. bruised our hearts .. failed our minds.

We stammered in between wheeze chaining lies.. braiding it firmly yet gasped and stuttered purity of the angels made out of us.

We were loud and proud wearing our halos when we found out..Were no angels.
WE NEVER WERE.

Cut na daw sabi ni Direk.

Totoo pala na kahit anong tatag ang pundasyon ng isang pamilya, darating ang panahon na susubukin ang tatag ng mga palupo at mga haligi nito na dugo at pawis nating itinayo. Akala ko sa pelikula lang nangyayari ang mga pagsubok at trahedya sa isang pamilya. Akala ko sa script lang nababasa ang mga salitang nakakadurog ng puso at nagbibigay ng luha sa mga mata. Kapag sumigaw ang direktor ng " CUT! " , tapos na ang palabas.


Mahaba na ng gabi, ang tagal mag pack up.

Ang dami na naming puyat, lalo na yung lead roles namin.. si nay at tay. :(

Pero may tiwala ako kay Direk sa taas. He knows best and the perfect timing to say, " CUT! " then.. all the angels will applause for a well performed role.

( beautiful sunrise sa bukid )

The sun’ll come out, tomorrow,
Bet your bottom dollar, that tomorrow,
There’ll be sun,
Just thinkin’ about, tomorrow,
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow, till’ there’s none,
When I’m stuck with a day, that’s grey and lonely,
I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say,
Oh, the sun’ll come out tomorrow,
So you gotta’ hang on till’ tomorrow,
Come what may.
Tomorrow tomorrow, I love you tomorrow,
Your’e only a day away.

My windows ache

So i will wait for you like a lonely house till you come back again and live with me.

Until then my windows ache.

:(

My depressing early morning sickness

For more than a year now, i daintily deposit my whole being to the addictive remorse my fate had brought right under my nose. Somewhat depressing that it became a morning habit. Same questions have been ringing listlessly afloat in my head, same feeling like the moment i thought of them first.

Had they found no answers yet?

Papano nga ba?

HOW DO YOU HEAL A BROKEN HEART?

A prayer for a dear sister

Father GOD I pray for your guidance in my sister’s life. I pray Lord that you will begin to speak in her life concerning the matters of the heart. I pray Lord that your will be done in her life. In her finances THAT SHE MAY HANDLE MONEY WELL AND HER CREDIT CARD TOO , her career AS SHE WILL BE HAVING HER JOB INTERVIEW LATER, her relationships, her health, and her spirituality. I pray for favor Father for it is truly more precious than life. And Lord also remind my sister that obedience is better than sacrifice. Allow her the time and will to seek your face daily, not to lean on her own understanding but in all her ways acknowledge you so that you may direct her path. And once it has been revealed unto her your purpose and plan for her life allow her the ability to TRUST despite her surroundings and circumstances. Father I pray that she will not be moved by her circumstances but that she will continue to seek you. Father send your holy spirit as a comforter to her soul to bring back to her remembrance your promises for her life to give her an expected end. Father GOD I pray that you will just have your way on today. Let her know that you are still in control and you won’t leave her nor forsake her. Enable her to lay down her will and submit to yours Father. You said in your “Seek ye FIRST the kingdom of GOD and his righteousness, and all these things should be added unto you. ” Let her know that you will give her the desires of her heart.

Above all Lord, I pray for her today that YOU will enlighten and guide her in her job interview. Do I need to spell out her name Lord? cause she'll probably freak out when she gets to read this.
Maybe a picture will help? >>>>it's her>>

In JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

a good laugh amidst the busy afternoon :))

I bumped over some jokes while browsing, sumakit ulo ko kakatawa.
Here to share some of it.
Enjoy.

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Math love story...

Boy: do you know that my love for you is like the limit of a constant over a variable as the variable approaches zero??
Girl; ano yun?
Boy:infinity :)
Girl: ganun? eh alam mo bang ang lab ko sau ay parang limit of a function of x as x approaches ' a', f d function of x s equal to 'c' f x s gretar than
a en s equal to d nd f x s less than or equal to a?
Boy: ano namn yun ?
Girl: syntax error!!!


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Nanay: nak lutuin mo na yung sardinas..
AnaK: kakaliskisan ko po ba?
Nanay: tanggalin mo na rin ang hasang ng masulit ang katangahan mo hayup ka!!
anak--> <--nanay

*****************************************************
Boy: gusto mo libre kita ng siomai at hopia??
Girl:ha? bakit? Boy: wala lang.. i just want to siomai love for you and hopia love me too!!! (keso!!)

*****************************************************
Sa sabungan walang entrance fee ang may dalang panabong..
Si juan para makalibre pumasok may dalang sisiw..

Bantay: hoy!! ano yan?
Juan(galit pa) manok!! bakit?
Bantay: alam ko.. eh bakit sisiw??
Juan: heller?? may laban ang ama niya siyempre moral support.. tanga!!!



*****************************************************